1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?
Yes, I believe so.
2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?
Oh lord no. Actually. Hell, I dunno.
3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?
Probably when I caught my cat eating my dinner.
4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?
I smile at kids, dogs, cats, and MILF’s I don’t know.
5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?
YES. YES, INDEED. To be fair, she’s probably more mad that I wouldn’t change for her.
6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?
Not yet this morning. I’ve only listened to NPR, and “How was your week?” with Julie Klausner.
7. What exactly are you wearing right now?
Black short sleeved dress shirt with a white tie, black polyester undershirt, black undies, blue jeans, white socks, black all-stars that are getting pretty beat up, black leather cuff on my right wrist, black hoodie with white drawstring and a zipper with white accents, black “gotham” style glasses, black plugs in my ears and a 2mm steel ball in my lip.
This is me 5 days a week.
8. How often do you listen to music?
Every day, for the majority of the day.
9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?
10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2013?
I’m waiting to hear about a University of WA application, so I hope that it changes dramatically. I’d really like to cut my hours at work and go to school full time. Or quit the job completely.
11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?
I am an introvert. That is different from being “antisocial.” Antisocial is a word that describes traits associated with certain mental disorders. I’m not a psychopath, sociopath or anything else like that. I’m just shy and would prefer to spend my time either alone or with a beautiful girl. Or cats n spiders.
12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?
Yes, once. Spin the Bottle. Allison, 7th grade. Fuck she was a weird looking girl too. That’s the only one I remember. If I’m missing someone, I apologize.
13. What about ‘R’?
Yep. A Robyn and a Rachel. A Rebecca, but she just went by Becca, so I’m not counting her.
14. Can you drive a stick shift?
15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?
For a few seconds, then I don’t care.
16. Are you going out of town soon?
It’s possible. If only to go up north a bit to hit a reptile zoo.
17. When was the last time you cried?
A few months after my dad died when it really sunk in that the chapters of my life where I had a dad were done. That book closed and the story is over.
18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?
19. If you could change your eye color, would you?
20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?
No. I’m not the type to do everything for someone. Now if you asked if I’d do “anything”, then perhaps. This question sounds like you’re asking if I’d be a caretaker. That answer is a solid no.
21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.
I’M AT WORK.
22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
Not really, because I’m a boy and straight.
23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?
No, the last person I spoke to was a coworker who told me she was going upstairs for some decaf tea. I mumbled “Get some AIDS while you’re at it.”
I don’t like this person.
24. What are you sitting on right now?
A high backed “executive chair.” It lets me slouch like you wouldn’t believe.
25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?
Yes. A few people.
26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?
Yes. I’ve had a few situations where there was someone I couldn’t have because I was separated by them in age, distance, economic standing, etc… There are people I had briefly and then lost though I still wanted them. See several of my past entries about this.
27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
My best friend.
28. Do you get a lot of colds?
No, only about 2-3 a year that last 2-3 days.
29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
30. Does anyone hate you?
31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?
I’m getting the impression this survey is created for the 12 year old girl demographic. I’m a 30 year old boy. I can leave empty alcohol bottles where ever I want, eat candy for dinner and watch movies of people in various states of undress at any moment of my choosing. Eat it, 12 year old girls. Being an adult male rules.
32. Do you like watching scary movies?
Indeed. It’s almost 90% of what I watch. Why? Because I think monsters are cute.
33. Do you want your tongue pierced?
I want YOUR tongue pierced.
34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
Oh good lord. This is too difficult to answer. For reals. Too difficult. If I had to choose…No, I can’t. This is literally the hardest question I’ve encountered in a really long time. I’m surprised it doesn’t involve math.
35. Did you have a dream last night?
I did. I sorta wish I hadn’t, but oh well.
36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?
I don’t want to talk about this.
38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?
I’m sure a few people do. I can only handle one at a time. Hell, I can barely handle one at a time.
39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
40. Did you have a good day yesterday?
Ugh. No. I did not. It was my 6 year anniversary at my job and it was like 6 years of bullshit compressed into an entire day.
41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?
2 months ago would be 2/18…I was dating, and was just horribly rejected and cut off from someone. Which I have no issues around. At all. Totally over it. I’m a liar.
42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?
Hang out is kind of a loose term here. I do have some plans to help my best friend be domestic. We’ll carpool to a store and buy some thangs, then I’ll help her with her floors and she’ll help me fold some laundries. We might play Castle Crashers later, but I dunno. It’s not really hanging out, it’s just a symbiosis.
43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?
Yes. They’ve all lost me, one way or another.
44. What’s the best part about school?
It isn’t work and occasionally I can see down a person’s shirt. I’m kidding. Mostly.
45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?
I’m not on facebook.
46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?
No, but when I was in school I’d just text my friends or class partners stuff. Usually when someone we hated was presenting, I’d text something like “gawd, STFU.”
47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?
Every goddam day.
48. Were you single over the last summer?
No. But I also wasn’t exclusive. I mean, I was, but I had the option to see other people if I wanted to. But I didn’t. So you tell me if I was single or not.
49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?
I’m having less sex and I’m sadder. I have more muscle, more spiders, I listen to more dance music, and I’ve graduated. Aside from that, pretty much the same.
50. What are you supposed to be doing right now?
51. Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
The last male I had a conversation with isn’t my favorite guy in the world, but I don’t hate him.
52. Are you nice to everyone?
No, absolutely not.
I’m either nice to you or completely introverted and removed.
53. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?
54. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?
Yes. I’ve done it before. My cheating days are over.
55. Are you good at hiding your feelings?
Yes. Even from myself.
56. Do you think you like someone?
Well I’m seeing someone right now, do you mean aside from that? There are people I have crushes on because I don’t actually know them. They’re basically objects I’d like to possess. History has shown me that as soon as I act on those crushes and humanize them, I lose interest in the crush.
57. Have you kissed someone whose name starts with a ‘J’?
Yes. Jessica. Jesse and Jessica. Hilarious. Oh! And a Julie.
58. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?
Girls. They smell better, are nicer to look at.
59. Has anyone of your friends ever seen you cry?
Yes. One or two.
60. Do you hate anyone?
61. How’s your heart?
This question could be interpreted in several different ways. My heart is fine. My blood pressure is normal. My cholesterol is low.
As for the other implied meaning, I’d say I “feel” about 40% of what I did at peak middle school heart levels.
62. Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?
Tons. I won’t get into it here or now.
63. Have you ever cried over a guy?
Again with this crap? My dad. Sort of . It was more crying that I no longer have a dad.
64. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
An ex. Several ex’s. A coworker?
65. Are your toenails painted pink?
Why the hell would they be? I’m a friggin boy over here.
66. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
Only if I miss and I hit that person in the eye or nose or something. I once pounced on a girl to kiss her at the exact moment she pounced to kiss me and we banged teeth. It’s why I have a chipped tooth.
67. Girls love it when boyfriends cry; correct?
68. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?
69. Who was the last person you were on the phone with?
My best friend.
70. How do you look right now?
See question 7. You decide how that would look. It’s subjective.
71. Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?
Yes. Farts and all.
72. Can you commit to one person?
73. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?
74. Have you ever felt replaced?
75. Did you wake up cranky?
Today, no. In this past week? Yes.
76. Are you a jealous person?
Somewhat. Usually about stuff that I can’t change and aren’t the other person’s fault.
Like I wish I had that person’s features or body or economic status they were born into, or their girlfriend or something like that.
77. Are relationships ever worth it?
For me, yes. For you? Don’t care.
78. Anyone you’re giving up on?
At the moment? No. Have I given up on someone in the past? Yes. It’s basically what happens every time you break up.
79. Currently wanting to see anyone?
80. Name something you have to do tomorrow?
81. Last person you cried in front of?
My best friend. I was in the emergency room with suicidal ideation. Bawling my eyes out.
82. Is there someone you will never forget?
I will never forget several people, either because they improved my life, did something very memorable, or traumatized me.
83. Do you think the person you have feelings for is protective of you?
Hoo boy, good question. I guess. She would want what’s best for me, would like to protect me from harm, but that’s as far as it goes. She wouldn’t forbid that I do anything, per se, in the interest of protecting me. I think she’d forbid me from doing certain things in order to protect herself and what we have. That’s just being reasonable however. For instance, if I’m dating someone, I have a no narcotics rule. I also have a no having sex with other people rule. These are because I don’t want to catch the second hand bullshit associated with either of those. Once I’m out of your life, go nuts, you degenerate piece of filth.
84. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?
I imagine I’d still be here working. Gotta pay the bills, and even if they were super wealthy I’d probably still work so I could supply my own food and comics.
85. Are you over your past?
Some of it.
86. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?
87. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?
See question 73.
88. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?
89. So, the last person you kissed just happens to arrive at your door at 3AM; do you let them in?
90. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?
9 times out of 10 it feels like.
91. Will you be in a relationship in 2 months?
Who can say?
92. Is there anyone you know with the name Michael?
93. Have you ever kissed a Matthew?
No, straight male. Again.
94. Were you in a relationship in January? How was it going?
January was hard. I was romantically entangled in several different ways.
The Everett incident happened in January. There was the girl from the summer I was still occasionally intimate with. My feelings for the ex were still there. My feelings for the other ex were still there. January was hard, ok???
95. Were you happy with the person you liked in March?
This march? Or last march? This march, yes. Last march, yes and no.
96. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?
97. Who do you have texts from?
My best friend, my sister, another friend, the girl I’m seeing, a friend from work. AT&T saying I’m running low on data and I may experience reduced speeds once I’m over.
98. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?
Sucks to be me I guess, see ya.
99. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?
16 years older. Shazam.
100. Who’s in your profile picture with you?
101. Ever kissed under fireworks?
102. Has anybody ever given you butterflies?
Butterflies in my stomach? Yes. It’s kind of a rare occurrence now. I think that’s because my heart is only working at 40% optimal performance.
I have never been given an actual butterfly.